he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
