I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
