I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
