so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
