Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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