i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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