people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
