tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
