i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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