We named our party play list daddy issues
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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