I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
