I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize