Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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