I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dicks are not precious.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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