Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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