I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
