he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
