Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
