So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's blow job season.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
