its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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