Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
