Having a random hookup so left but love u
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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