how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
