I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
