Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
