if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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