Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
These tits shall not be calmed
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
