If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
