Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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