i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
