I'm lost and stupid without you.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
