i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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