i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
