bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
