Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
