How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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