just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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