I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
