It's Friday. Sex?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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