i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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