The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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