Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
