Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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