I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
