Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
