So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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