Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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