Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
