Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
