It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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