I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
