bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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