There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
