God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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