Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
