you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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