the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
