ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
