Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
