Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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