so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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