i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
