You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
