I hope mine doesn't look like that
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
