i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
