He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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