I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
