Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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