So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
