i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
